Just in time for those who are figuring out what to get their sweetheart for Valentine's Day (flowers and chocolate is so last year), the kind folks from the American Association for Nude Recration have the perfect solution for you: help in getting ready for your Naked Vacation. "Vacationing in the nude - the nakation - is the natural choice." Of course!
"When clothes come off, so do many of the mental cues that tie us to our everyday cares, according the American Association of Nude Recreation (AANR), the rights and advocacy group for nudism in United States. Nakationing frees the spirit and enhances the senses. AANR members say a couple nights at a clothes-free resort or campground is as restful as a traditional weeklong vacation."
Okay stop right there. A couple nights at a clothes-free resort or campground would send me to a mental institution for stress reduction, and would not be as restful as a traditional week-long vacation. What are they smoking? I don't need trees at the campground dropping sap on my uh, pine cones. I don't need strangers constantly oogling my perfectly formed ass (okay, I'm giving myself a little too much credit here).
I've seen plenty of nude runners at the Bay to Breakers. They made me want to run faster to get away from them. (If my daughter is reading this post, do not click on that link or you'll be grounded and I'll take your computer away. Until you're 18. Then you can click on the link.)
If you're wondering where one might take a nakation where the starter kit would come in handy, "Options for nude recreation abound." Nude resorts, campgrounds, cruises, charter flights and boating excursions, beaches and restaurants, to name a few. Uh, back up. Charter flights? Because it's bad enough you have to sit on an airplane. You want to do it naked on your little towel? And brush up against people as you go to the smelly bathroom? And let your privates hang over into the crammed rows while you get out of the way for the drink cart? That sounds like hell.
"If you and your loved one are thinking about giving clothes-free travel a try but don’t know where to begin, AANR has the answer in its new Nakation Starter Kit." Yeah, because it's really hard to buy a little towel to sit on. (In case you're wondering how I know about the towel - it's from reading David Sedaris).
Okay, so the kit comes with the "bare essentials" (ha ha! get the pun???). That includes:
--a beautiful 'tie one on' sarong (no comment)
--official AANR sunglasses (is it just me, or do they look like they come from Oriental Trading Company?).
--logo SPF-15 sunscreen in single application packets (because you have no pockets to carry the tube? Plus, if I'm completely nude, I'm going to need a lot more than a single application packet to cover my entire pasty white body).
--a plush nakation tush towel (I also want one to protect me from others' vajay jays).
--champagne flutes or wine glasses (great to bring on the plane).
--The Naked Truth listing of nakation destinations and lifestyle tips nudists live by - a must read for first-timers (does it talk about how to buy a house while nude?).
--the North American Guide to Nude Recreation color brochure (are there pictures?)
--"Feel the Freedom” tee shirt to wear in anticipation of your trip (do you wear this around the house, or only in public?)
--two-year AANR membership (FYI, 2 year individual membership is $101, so you're paying $48 for that damn t-shirt, lotion, Oriental Trading Company glasses and an ass-wipe).
But WAIT! There's MORE! It comes with "an attractive keepsake box you can personalize. It makes a perfect conversation piece. When friends ask, “Did you really?” your kit is proof positive that yes, you really did."
All this for the low price of $149.99 plus TAX.
Okay, I had to also comment on their survey, of U.S. households with incomes of $50,000+, that said 17% of adult American view a visit to a nude or clothing-optional resort as extremely or very desirable. Uh, okay. There are twice as many male nudists as females. Is that a shock?